Friday, Apr. 12, 2002 | 10:40 p.m.

sometimes you pass me and you don't even acknowledge my presence. like i'm not actually there. and i get angry because i think you're just ignoring me. but really. you don't even see me. because you look past me. never at me. or into me.

i used to think you were the least selfish person i'd ever encountered. now i know i was wrong. all you see is yourself. i thought you lied so no one would be hurt. but you lie so no one will be mad at you. i thought you avoided confrontation so no one would be disappointed. but you avoid confrontation so that you always come out on top. i thought you loved because you actually cared. but you love when it gives you exactly what you want. and when love stops feeding your crazy worldly desires. then you stop loving.

for the last six years, i've given you all i've got. but it was never good enough. i always fell short. i was always around or never around. i was too happy or too sad. i was serious. i was annoying. i was undeserving.

all i did was love you. and now i'm losing you.

so believe me when i say. you don't know how it feels to be me.

you get what you pay for, but i just had no intention of living this way.

[there's things i remember

and things i forget

i miss you

i guess that i should

three thousand five hundred miles away

but what would you change if you could?]