Wednesday, May. 22, 2002 | 1:25 p.m.

no one cried yesterday when the dismissal bell rang. no one cried this morning at commencement practice.

but i couldn't prevent the tears from welling up when i smiled at her and she seemed annoyed. or when i asked a mutual friend if they were still friends, and her response was, "she just can't find time for me any more because i don't get drunk every five minutes."

sometimes i lie in bed on a saturday night and remember how we used to stay in her basement where it was freezingcold and watch snl and then have to get up for church the next morning. that was when she still went to church. sometimes when i go over to her house i still walk in without knocking like i used to do when i was over there everysingleday. sometimes the phone rings as soon as i walk in the door from school and i think it might be her. but it never is.

and all the sometimes add up to allthetime. and that is how often i miss her.