Monday, Dec. 02, 2002 | 12:53 p.m.

but remember that this is for me, and not you.

thank you for sweeping me off my feet with your gentle spirit that doesn't know what it means to be worried. i liked it when you told me my tears looked beautiful in the sunlight as i bid you farewell yesterday. thanks for giving me kisses all over my face and for paying attention to every single detail. you made me feel so very pretty on saturday night when i stood there and you backed up, squatted down, and just stared. i absolutely love going out with you, i love getting dressed up and waiting for you to ring the doorbell. my favorite thing is falling asleep in your arms to the rise and fall of your chest, then waking up to the sound of i love you being whispered in my ear, even though i was never meant to hear it. thank you for going shopping with me and for looking into my eyes when you tell me you're grateful. i hope you always let me hold your hand when we pray and squeeze it tighter when we say amen. i miss working with you and i was so blessed by the hours i got with you this week. never again will i take that for granted. thank you for telling me stories and for nodding your head when i asked did you want me to like you? i like buying you things you want and i love giving you parts of me. and sweetheart, it's okay. i know you didn't mean to hurt me. thank you for skipping classes for me. and as much as i hated leaving yesterday, that's how much i loved it when i tried to get up and you said no, i'm never letting go.

six days, and i've got so much more to show for it than you would ever care to read.

this room is cold and dead without you.