Wednesday, May. 15, 2002 | 8:56 p.m.

i've spent a lot of my life being sad. not depressed. not even moping around. just. hurting. it's not that i'm not happy or full of the Spirit or passionate. i don't even know how to be apathetic. in fact the opposite is my problem. i care too much. you might be wondering if that's even possible. i assure you: it is.

i've wasted too much time being concerned with her happiness. i've worked to protect her. a smile on her face put a smile on my face. i've sold myself short of true joy many times. and i'm sick of it. i really am.

i'm tired of giving so much and never getting anything in return. i'm sick of living idealistically, hoping that some day she'll "realize" me and begin to appreciate my kindness and my generosity. it's time to open my eyes to the reality that is her. i'm not going to wait around any more. i'm not going to let myself be walked on. i will no longer allow myself to be treated like shit in the name of love.

i've given her all i've got. she threw it on the floor.

and.

stomped.

so i have a letter to write. and an aim profile to change.

soon. i will have closure.

OHtheanticipation.