Tuesday, Mar. 19, 2002 | 6:05 p.m.

today was a day like jimmy eat world's "believe in what you want."

school consisted of going through the motions. my legs moved from class to class out of habit. at one point i even wondered if i still had control over them. i'm fairly certain that i didn't.

and everyone looked beautiful. and i. just. looked.

some days i think my friends actually like me.

most days i know they don't.

(if i told you this was killing me, would you stop?)

i want to spin around in circles. until i become nauseated. and then i want to vomit.

i want to be five again. i want to go back to when

everything

made

sense.

(nothing that makes sense ever works out)

a girl i know invited twenty-four people to her sixth birthday party. it was one hundred degrees outside. they put four baby pools in the front yard.

i miss those times.