Tuesday, Apr. 09, 2002 | 2:43 p.m.

i sought comfort in the form of brennan. and his words touched my soul. they reached in and grabbed me. he brought tears to my eyes.

i sought comfort in the form of you. something i couldn't do from school for way too long. but now time has changed. literally. and i found your voice soothing. and your sleepiness pleasant. and you? i found you simply beautiful.

i thought today would be the day. i'd planned my speech. run through it in my head. pushed away the butterflies in my stomach. swallowed my pride. so i prayed for an opportunity. but again it did not come. and i wonder what God's doing up there, what He's thinking about all this, what He wants to happen. and the truth is, i don't have a clue. but i guess that's okay. because brennan is teaching me what it means to trust. and maybe that's what God's waiting on. for me to give this to Him, completely.

[so i'm feeling like i'm not fitting in. i know i'm not fitting in with you and your stuck up friends. i get the point.]